Sunday, January 31, 2010

Louisiana Observations

I've lived in Louisiana for about four months now. Here's a few things I've observed and learned...

Cold to people in Louisiana means that they can't wear their flip flops. Anything under 75 degrees is freezing and not tolerable.

I10 to New Orleans is always packed. No matter if it's rush hour traffic, 2am on a Tuesday, or a Sunday afternoon, as soon as I10 splits to New Orleans...parking lot.

Louisianians like to eat their shrimp with the heads on and unpeeled. I no longer eat shrimp.

People in Louisiana are the nicest people I have ever met in my entire life...except when they're shopping for underwear.

Everyone goes to church down here. Everyone, even if they don't know what they believe, they still go to church.

Football, partying and eating is at the center of everyone's world. No wonder Louisiana was rated America's happiest people...

Whataburger is Aaahhh...what for it...MAZING. It's become my house of worship. Know why I say that? Because when I pull into the parking lot my brain and stomach sing, "Hhhaaallllellujah!" Aaawww yeah.

Everyone avoids Mississippi. Apparently it's the southern version of West Virginia...but worse.

It truly is interesting how each region of the country is so different. New York state is very-work, work, work; work hard, lots of education, climb the corporate ladder. South Carolina is still fighting the Civil War, and very-we only talk to our kind; if you're not from the South or part of the good ole boys network, you're a yank and not welcome! Sorry Britt, but it is. Although Virginia is below the confederate line, it's resembles a low key version of NY. I don't even think Virginians consider themselves southern anymore. Louisiana could care less where you're from, as long as you drink and like football you're in like flin.

I wonder what it would be like to live out west...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Valentine's Day At The Underwear Shop

The end of January is here, and Valentine's Day is fast approaching. In an attempt to be more..."cheery", I decorated the house this year...and when I say decorate, I mean threw confetti on a few of our tables.

The Valentine's lingerie is in the store now and I have to say, W. T. F. Lots of feathers, lots of neon colors. Seriously, WHO would wear this crap? I came in for my shift, looked at the racks and gave the manager on duty my horrified jaw dropped look. He looked up at me from his clipboard and said, "Ugh, I know." I mean really, neon pink tulle over candy apple red and black floofy feathers at the neck line? It's been weeks and I have yet to sell one piece of that god awful lingerie. Hm, wonder why?

What really amazes me, more so than the hideous explosion of crap that took over part of our store, so many people come in looking for something plain. So many women come in saying they want something sexy. I show them our garters and corsets, which by the way are super hot, they shake their head and say, nah. I show them our teddies with see-through lace and plunging V-neck, nope they don't want that either. We happen to walk by a black or red satin gown that comes down to the knees and they want that one. Really? That's like a granny gown cut short. I've even had brides come in saying they need honeymoon lingerie. I usher them to our hottest stuff, nope they don't want it. I try showing them our slinky stuff, costumes, teddies, bra/pantie sets, nope they want the satin gown that goes to their knees.

One woman came in the store and said she needed lingerie to impress her boyfriend. She of course went straight for the granny crap. I crinkled my nose and looked at her. She laughed and said, "What? It looks comfortable." I responded with, "Do you plan on getting laid tonight, because it's not gonna happen in that?" She laughed said, "Everything else looks so uncomfortable." I stepped back and said, "How long do you think you're gonna be wearing this?" I gave her an armful of our hottest stuff and pushed her into a fitting room. She called out to me and opened the door. She was wearing the french maid costume I picked out for her. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "What do you think?" I stood there hands on hips, looked her up and down and said, "I'd do ya." She bought two of the outfits I picked for her. She came back a week later and told me thank you. Apparently I know how men think, I was dead on, and she couldn't be happier. I smiled at her and said, "Ah, well, saving sex lives one customer at a time, that's what we underwear sales girls do."

LOTS of men come into that store, and they aren't shy about telling us what they want. I've never had a man come in the store and pick a plain satin gown that comes to the knees. Yeah, our sexier stuff may be a tad uncomfortable to wear, but seriously it's not like you're gonna be wearing it for over five minutes anyway. If you give extra kisses you get bigger hugs (bonus points if you can tell me where that movie quote is from).

So ladies, good luck V-day shopping, and if you aren't sure, ask a sales girl, TRUST ME, she has a plethora of underwear knowledge. We've seen it all, heard it all, and people who have healthy, happy sex lives are less likely to be rude to us the next time they come in the store. So please, let us help you, help us.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Then The Clouds Parted And The Sun Came Out

My life has been chaos these last few days. The store is being renovated, so we had to move all the merchandise to a temporary location. Talk about a bitch. I've gotten about 2-3 hours of sleep each night because they have a team of us working random hours, 12pm-1am, 5pm-2am, 6am-2pm. Plus I have group projects due for school and I typically get stuck in the group full of idiots.

ANYWAYS, I only have two more weeks of this retail crap! I found a job, I got an offer on Monday for a payables position! No more undies, random hours, or minimum wage! We also got an offer on the house. It's a short sale, so an offer does us no good unless the bank accepts it. We'll see, it's just a waiting game right now.

I don't think I've ever been so thankful for a job. Of course most people are thankful for their jobs, they pay bills, or at least some bills. For some it adds a sense of accomplishment, and for some it's just a means of getting out of the house. I've always SAID that I was thankful for my job, but I didn't really get it until I couldn't pay the mortgage, or find any other position, and the possibility of detouring from my profession came up. I am TRULY thankful for this position, and that I can get back in my field!

In terms of the house, the legal proceedings are a pain in the butt. Basically the bank holds all the cards and it's up to them how much of a loss they want to take. Personally I see it like this-they either allow us to sell the house to this guy and lose some, or they'll foreclose on us and lose more than some. Makes sense? Probably not to the banks. The realtor thinks we have a chance, I guess we'll see. I used to love that house. It was mine and Ryan's first home we purchased, we re-did rooms, painted, put in carpet, added a privacy fence, a lot of sweat and money went into that house. Now, I just want it gone so that we can move on. Hopefully this is our shot.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Hm...Any Ideas?

Valentine's Day is approaching. We have the new Valentine lingerie in at the store, I would say that Walmart and Target have their Valentine's decor for sale, but Mardi Gras is going on down here right now and it's all about Mardi Gras. The Valentine's stuff is limited to 1/4 of an aisle in the back corner, Mardi Gras stuff gets front and center stage. Speaking of Mardi Gras, on the actual Mardi Gras day, all schools and businesses are closed. How strange.

Valentine's Day was typically another special day when Ryan was usually gone, but he'll be home for it this year. Ryan and I don't usually celebrate Hallmark holidays-Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, St. Patty's Day, ect. We celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, and Military Spouse Appreciation Day. WHAT? The last one is totally legit! We DESERVE a day, OK. Anywho...

I want to do something special for him, something that tells him "I love you", but without words. We have ZERO money, and I've made him things in the past to tell him I loved him, he read it, said "Thanks babe" and went back to whatever he was doing before. He's a dude, what can I say. Romantic dinners and naughty things after are expected. I have no idea what to do here. Anyone have any ideas? What are you guys doing for Valentine's Day?

Yes, Another List

So, enough with the pity party. I was having a very...reflective day, and of course as soon as I hit the publish button I cringed and thought to myself, "Well that probably wasn't a good idea...oh well." I want to thank all of you for your encouragement through this extremely frustrating time in my life, but in all honesty a lot of people out there have it so much worse than me. I need to stop whining and sniffling and just get over myself.

I was catching up on my blog reading when I discovered I had just been given several awards. I just received six, yes SIX, awards from Ocean Dreams! I guess, upon accepting the award, you're supposed to do this ten list thing. I don't like following the rules, so normally I would graciously accept the award and that's that, but seeing how the depression clouds keep rolling in, I could probably use this ten-things-that-make-me-happy list. And seriously, the chick just gave me SIX of them. Holla! Here we go pals and gals...
1. My husband.
2. My friends and blog readers.
3. Coffee, I would be lost without thee.
4. Heroes, the TV show. I look forward to this show every week, it's my favorite!
5. My car that runs well and is not in the shop getting repaired every other week like some vehicles I have owned.
6. Cable internet, so that I can do school at the speed of light! Or, well, super fast anyways.
7. Libraries. Books are expensive dude, but borrowing them from the library costs naaaadaaaaa! (That was me singing by the way.)
8. Proactive. Yes, the skin program, God knows the issues I would have without it.
9. That Alison is roughly the same size I am and allowed me to rifle through her closet before I moved away.
10. in my dog. He's actually been more of a comfort these last three months than I could ever imagine a pet to be.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Random Thoughts I've Never Had The Guts To Openly Express

Last year I spoke of several posts that I would never have the balls to hit the publish button on. I just figured I would keep these posts in the draft file and never send them out to bloggoworld. Some of these posts are running lists of emotions. This post is one of those lists. I started compiling this list in October, and have added things to it since. I recently looked back on it; unfortunately, I still feel the same and it's been 3.5 months.

A woman told me today that there's a strong possibility that I might have put my career on hold to move down here to be with Ryan. She said that she respected me a lot for that, since I seem like the career driven type. My first reaction to this thought was, I'm married, I didn't think there was any other option other than to move to where he was. I'm ex-military, we go where our husbands are stationed, I didn't think twice. My second thought was, Is it still admirable if I complain about it all the time?

I hate this place with the fiery burn of a thousand suns. This place meaning Louisiana. When other military wives would talk about Virginia with the same fiery hate, I didn't understand, now I do.

I'm afraid the bitterness I feel about my job situation, financial situation, and house situation will overtake me and I'll be miserable to be around.

Even when Ryan was deployed, I've never felt more alone than I have the last three months.

Even though I feel alone, I have no desire to meet people, go out and do things, or become involved in the community. I know...that makes absolutely no sense. If you feel alone you go out, become involved, meet people. I feel alone and want to do nothing but become a hermit in my condo.

I feel so hopeless and disgustingly needy. I fully realize that your state of mind has a lot to do with how you live, and here I am crippling myself with my own attitude. I repulse myself, but have no idea what to do to fix this.

I'm afraid my negativity will push what few people I have, away.

I'm afraid of being a disappointment, mostly to myself.

I envy people who are happy all the time. I'm sure their lives aren't a bed of roses, how are they so happy all the time?

Hitting the publish button on these thoughts will make me feel vulnerable and weak.

I finally finished putting the last boxes away, and the guest room is cleaned up and ready to be used. As I hung the last picture it dawned on me that hanging this picture symbolizes that I live here now. That this is my life. I took the picture back down, sat in the bathroom and cried.

My best friends are coming to see me, and yet I'm not sure if they should come. I don't want them to see me like this. I've always been the logical one who has everything together, I'm not that person right now. I thought my mentality towards this place would be different by now, and it's not.

I wish there was a dimmer switch for your mind. The store's business has slowed down, and I have all this time to do nothing but think. I'm not so sure that's good for my mental health.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Random Thoughts I Had Today

In my next life, I'd like to come back as a rich person's pet. I'm not even rich and my dog has an AMAZING life. Imagine what a rich pet's life is like.

Fruit roll-ups have got to be the most incredible things ever.

For every pair of shoes I want to buy, some random and heinous bill comes in the mail. Maybe God is trying to tell me something.

I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that I can't find an actual "adult" job, or that I define myself by my career...or lack of a career...or by the career that I previously had...good lord I have issues.

What woman would wear this crap? Seriously, this has got to be the most god awful lingerie I have ever seen in my life. Oh geez, that lady over there is buying it...

It rains here in Louisiana ALMOST as much as it rains in New York.

I should take up cage fighting, I have a lot of pent up aggression. (This of course occurred to me after I dismantled and beheaded a mannequin that was in my way of clocking out.)

I could eat spaghetti or pizza every day for the rest of my life.

Monday, January 18, 2010


I was never the talented one in the family. Unless of course you count being able to eat an entire pizza by myself in one evening, speak in run-on sentences with minimal breath, or being able to recite all the songs from Mary Poppins from memory. Yeah, I keep a scrapbook, dress reasonably trendy, and my home is decorated tastefully, but that's only because I have Google who searches scrapbook layouts for me, mannequins in the store that I copy from, and design blogs that I follow. My dad is an actor, my mom designs jewelry and her own card line, and my sisters are the ones with all the artsy genes. If you give each of us a piece of paper and a pen, you'll get something different back. A sketch from Jackie, a music bar from Lauren and a monthly budget from me. (What can I say...I'm bad to the bone.) This is why I have two sisters going to art schools and I am in business school. Corporate strategies, budgeting and matrices just make sense to me.

My artistic ability begins and stops each morning when I use make-up to cover up the dark circles under my eyes. Normally if I need something artistic I call Jackie or I go to Target. There is an endless list of people waiting for one of Jackie's paintings (myself included, which is crap by the way), so normally I go to Target. Even Target is to expensive right now, and I had a project I needed to accomplish. A few canvases later I had myself a painting. No, it's not something you'll see in an art museum, magazine or probably even the dollar store, but seriously I've seen worse, so I think I did pretty good for someone with 0 artistic genes.

This whole project got me thinking about talents and what some people are gifted with. I really like to see what some people can do, I find it so interesting. I love to see Jackie's new paintings or hear Lauren's vocals. Some people have the gift of cooking and their food tastes as divine as it looks. Others can do some pretty cool things with a camera. Some can analyze a business strategy like there's no tomorrow...I had to put that in there guys, it's all I got. Here's a list of some pretty talented people in bloggo world:
This chick is using a dollar a day to find clothes at flea markets and garage sales, and turning them into some awesome creations! Check her out, she's amazing!
She doesn't do vlogs everyday, but she sang in the ones she has done. Check out the one where she sings the song from The Little Mermaid.
This girl is hilarious, and yes comedic qualities are a talent, I have met tons of dry, boring, lifeless people lacking any sense of humor at all. I was once an accountant, remember?
Check out her Etsy shop, her stuff is beautiful!

What are some of your talents?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Dating Or Torture?

There are so many dating,, There are just as many dating type shows on TV right now. The Bachelor, Frank the Entertainer, Tough Love, My Antonio, the list goes on and on. Regardless of whether these dating shows are real or not, we watch them. Their ratings are high. We like watching the dating, we like watching relationships. I watch some of these shows, guilty pleasure what can I say, and they have made me appreciate the fact that I am married, SO MUCH.

I asked my friend Bob, who was single not that long ago, how the dating world was. He said it was rough, you spend all this time trying to build a relationship with someone you feel a spark with, only to find out they're crazy, needy, clingy; or you just end up with a lot of one night stands. He says the one night stands eventually do get old. You hit a point where you want a relationship, not just sex all the time.

I got married young, real young, 21 years-old young. A lot of people have asked me if I regret marrying that young. I'm one of the lucky ones, when I got married I had no clue what I was doing or who I was for that matter. My childhood was a difficult one, I was never allowed to truly be myself, I was who my father told me I would be. Well, when you move out and are out on your own and don't have someone drilling into you day after day, you truly discover who you really are.

Ryan was in for a surprise. He thought he was marrying a good little traditional Christian girl. About a year into the marriage, the tattoo's came out, my obsession with motorcycles came out, my love of fantasy, and obsession with my career also came out. I wasn't the person he married at all. Of course people change through life. You grow, you learn, you change. I however, changed drastically. I went from no drinking, to being able to knock back shots of vodka no problemo. I went from absolutely no porn in my house whatsoever, to, welllll...a little bit of porn isn't so bad (hehehe). I went from, the woman does the housework and the man earns the paycheck, to, muthafucka you best be puttin' your dishes in the dishwasher and your clothes in the hamper, it's YOUR turn to cook dinner, I'm a career working, school studyin' foo! I went from tattoo's are bad because they defile the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is your body, to, dude I'd totally get a full sleeve if I could afford it. I went from...well, you get the idea. I truly believe that THIS, who I am now, is who I truly am, and I'm still discovering new things about myself. I suppose that's what life is, as life changes, so do you and you learn things as you go.

I say I'm one of the lucky ones, because Ryan says that he loves me more than when he first married me. I honestly don't know how I got so lucky. Some men would pull out the, "You're not who I married, you've changed, I don't love you anymore, I loved who I thought you were" card. Ryan doesn't. Ryan was right there with me, through all the changing, through all the discovering, Ryan was right there. He's committed, and he loves me. Maybe he has white knight syndrome, well if he does, I'm glad. We have our issues just like every other couple, but I'm glad Ryan's stuck with me through all my bullshit. He says it's worth it, I guess he sees something I don't. I'm getting off topic here...

Dude, if I was in the dating world, I would have NO CLUE what to do. What do you even wear on a date? You don't want to look too casual, but not too slutty. What do you talk about? Your career, family, pet? I don't know, I haven't dated since I was 19, and I can't even remember what I had for breakfast let alone what I did on dates. You guys that are out there dating, what the heck do you do? Do you just wait and hope that someone incredible comes around? Do you sit at the bar, scoping out the men/ladies and pick one out? What happens if you're dating someone for weeks, months, whatever and find out they're a code red? You just wasted all that time! What if you live in a tiny little town full of cousins and crazy's? GAH! I'm just going to hope that Ryan continues to see himself as the lucky one in our relationship.

I fully realize that there are some people out there that are getting up there in years and STILL have yet to find that special someone. My friend Eddie* for example, he's 40, just got married. Although he says differently, it's written all over his face, he got married because he was getting older and didn't want to be alone. He didn't get married because he's completely enthralled in the girl he's with. If he was, he would have moved to where she was (in a foreign country), instead he lives in the US, and she's elsewhere and they get together every other week or something. It makes no sense. Does the fear of spending the rest of their lives as a bachelor or bachelorette drive people to just marry or find someone, anyone?

What about the girl/guy who's with a guy/girl for a year, over a year, YEARS, and is fully expecting to get/pop a proposal? They've talked about it, everything points in that direction, you've met all the parents, only to have the guy/girl tell them he's/she's not the marrying type. WTF? Then what the hell are we doing? One of my sisters friends recently dealt with that, she was devastated.

I'm so glad I don't have to deal with any of that. I'm so glad I met Ryan when I did, and I'm so glad Ryan has been patient with me. I work with a bunch of college students, some are in relationships, some aren't. Just hearing some of their stories, makes me appreciate the fact that I have Ryan and we've been married for five years, that much more. Some of these girls stories are just plain in sane. Finding out the guy has three other girlfriends, besides them. Finding out the guy has a drug problem on the side. Finding out the guy has kids from two other women and he has no idea where the women or kids even are. What in the world? One girl was going to a party after her shift, a guy she really liked was going to be there, and she was stressing out because she wanted to impress him so much. I couldn't help thinking to myself-"Man, on my days off I'm pretty impressed with myself when I put on mascara. Ryan tells me I'm beautiful whether I'm frumpy looking or not."

It's rough out there. No wonder people settle with whoever they can find. They're probably so glad that they found someone, regardless of their bad habits or craziness, that they just deal with it. No wonder people get back with their ex's, and no wonder there are crazy cat ladies out there. Forget this whole trying to find a man bullshit I'm just gonna get me a house of cats, they'll keep me company just fine!

Good luck all you daters out there, swimmin' in the pond. I don't know how you do it...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Is Facebook The New Phone Call?

If you would please scroll down and look to your right you will see MY FIRST BLOG AWARD EVER! Elizabeth from Musing Experiences sent it to me, how sweet of her! Thank you Elizabeth!

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled post. We have so many different forms of communication nowadays. Technology has made so many things possible. Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, Myspace, LinkedIn, it's crazy all the ways we can communicate with people without even having to see them or talk to them on the phone.

I wonder if it's really a help or a hindrance? On one side I personally am very thankful for email, Facebook, blogging, ect. These incredible tools have enabled me to keep better in touch with people all over the world. Being ex-military we have friends all over the country and overseas. I'm not super awesome about making sure I call everyone very often, and in terms of actually writing, like as in snail mail, call yourself lucky if you get a Christmas card. I'm just not very good at that stuff, but with the Internet I don't have to be; however, I wonder how many times I have given my friends my blog address and instead of personally emailing them to let them know what's going on in my life they just read about it on my blog. It's almost like its taken the personal touch out of friendships.

For awhile I had a Twitter account, a LinkedIn account, Facebook, Myspace and my blog. Keeping up with all that crap is exhausting! If you update one, you have to update the other, because certain people have Facebook, but no Myspace, some Twitter, some don't. GAH! I actually logged how many hours a week I spent Twittering, Facebooking, ect. (yes cuz I'm a dork like that). I averaged 21 hours a week. That's three hours a day dedicated to updating virtual profiles, statuses and making sure I kept up with everyone elses profiles, status updates, blogs, ect. At the time I was still working at Diablo, I have no idea how I was managing working 50+ hours a week, full time school, pets, 14 hours of virtual page updating, and friends. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn't actually interacting with anyone, I was just reading what everyone else wrote and in turn updating myself.

A couple months ago I deleted my Twitter, LinkedIn and Myspace accounts. I now only have Facebook and my blog, much more manageable and I feel like I can participate instead of just scrolling through status updates. I wonder how many of us are actually losing touch with loved ones simply because we aren't actually interacting with them, we're simply reading their Facebook status. Marina (the BFF in Spain) isn't super fantastic with keeping in touch with people either. Neither one of us are phone people, we're not super fantastic emailers either, but we have AIM. (I know right, how high school of us.) Marina and I talk at least twice a week, thanks to instant messaging. Without that I'm not sure we would keep in touch as well through just blogging and Facebook. It's the back and forth interaction, the conversation that keeps us in tune with each other; not me posting on Facebook the funny thing Thor did the other day and Marina commenting back how crazy our pups are.

As much as technology enables us to achieve and overcome, I wonder how much it hinders us? Do we even realize it? Am I the only one who feels like I'm jipping my friends and family when I hear them say, "Oh I read your blog the other day, that's too bad..."? Don't get me wrong, this is not a post saying we should ditch technology and go back to snail mail. If it wasn't for Facebook I would never be able to get ahold of my baby sister or keep in touch with old friends. I'm simply saying that sometimes I feel like I've fallen into a rut. A virtual rut, a rut that has caused me to talk to my friends through my blog or Facebook instead of emailing them, texting them or calling them to tell them I'm thinking of them.

Then again, maybe this is just the path our society is headed. Instead of phone calls or Hallmark cards we'll get comments stating, "Hey what's up!" or "I was thinking of you the other day..." It is more environmentally friendly.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Confessions Of An Underwear Sales Girl-Now What

Last week I was talking to the store manager about stuff-family, jobs, ect. She said that she wasn't from here but she's worked for this certain underwear store chain for nine years. She had hopes of being hired on at the corporate office when she worked in that certain city, but now that she lives in Louisiana, she no longer has that option. I looked up from the rack I was straightening, and asked her what she was going to do now, she's gone up as far as she can in this corporate ladder. She shrugged and said, "There's nowhere else for me to go, and there's no jobs here in this state. This is it for me." She's 28.

I couldn't help but be sad for her and worried for myself. I can't find ANYTHING in accounting. Nothing. There's just nothing here. No big corporate offices, and the little mom and pop places aren't hiring. They probably can't even afford the help they have! Not even the big banks in New Orleans are hiring! You could tell in her voice that she didn't want to just settle and be a retail store manager, she wanted to continue going up the ladder but she just didn't have that option. Her husband's job is here so it's not like she can move away to where she can have more options. She's stuck. Sounds familiar.

I know I won't be happy just being a sales girl for the rest of my life, but what if I don't find anything in accounting...for awhile. I have to make a paycheck, THAT isn't an option. I know I should be happy for even having a job, and I truly am; however, I was made for the corporate ladder. I'm happiest when I have career inspired goals to meet, a corporate ladder to climb, and multiple projects going on. No, cleaning up multiple tables of pantie mayhem does not constitute as multiple projects. Am I just being a spoiled brat here? I have a job, I have a husband who has a job, some don't even have that. Am I horrible for wanting more, for wanting to be challenged more? I know plenty of people who are completely content with their job knowing that they won't go any further than where they are. I'm just not one of those people. I don't know how you turn that off, I wish I did...

Monday, January 11, 2010

On The Lighter Side Of Things...

So, last week, the computer at work fucked up and gave me NO working hours. NONE. Well, one of the girls called me and asked me if I could take her Friday and Saturday morning shifts, I of course said yes and offered to take all her shifts for the week, she said, just Friday and Saturday. Damn. Another girl took my coat from the back of the store, thinking it was hers. Ok seriously, my coat is like six years old, it's missing buttons and the buttons I do still have are mix-matched. A homeless person wouldn't take my coat. The last time I took it to the dry cleaners the dude behind the counter told me that "cleaning won't help this" and handed it back to me. She called me and said she had my coat at work, I told her that when you steal you're supposed to upgrade, not downgrade, good grief. So, the moral of telling you all that is to say that Marina is right...AGAIN. Everything works out in the end. I now have SOME hours for next week, and I do have my coat; although I was beginning to think it was a blessing that it was hijacked.

Saturday at exactly 4:05pm, Alison and Tiffany are flying into New Orleans to see me! This morning I opened the door to the guest room. It's no secret that I'm not super excited to be living in Louisiana, so when we moved in here, the stuff that I didn't want to unpack or put away or hang or whatever, was tossed into the guest room and the door was closed. It became our collect-all. Today I needed to clean and organize it all. I won't lie, it took awhile, but it is now livable. I even hung pictures! I suppose I needed to finish the move-in process anyway, we'll be here for at least four years...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

People Suck Ass

I have decided that I have no business working in the public. I am much happier alone in my cubicle punching numbers all day. The more I am around ignorant and selfish people, which would be the majority of the human race, the more I want to buy a gun. I however, realize that this is not a very good idea and restrain myself from entering that one pawn shop on the way home from work every fucking day.

Dude, people don't even have to be rude and ignorant towards me, it's when they don't do anything while their kid throws chicken tenders at the mannequins; or when a group of teenagers shoves past a little old lady practically knocking her down. Or when a woman with her friggin double wide stroller plows through two racks of clothing and doesn't so much as say a word; or when the lady at the grocery store stops her cart right smack dab in a crowded aisle, and no one can get around her and she's completely oblivious because she's searching for a can of tomatoes. Or, and this is my favorite by the way, when the guy in the car in front of you comes to a screeching halt just to talk to the guy he knows walking down the sidewalk. It's a one lane road, and there's cars coming, you can't go around him. You try to be polite, thinking, "Oh he'll just say hi and keep driving." Nope, he continues to have a conversation and when you tap the horn (notice I said tap, not honk, not blow, not blare, not lay on, but tap) he gives you the finger and tells you to fuck off.

What the hell is wrong with people?!?! I'm serious, if you have an answer please, by all means, comment. Are people THAT wrapped up in their own world that they just don't notice? Oh gosh there's other people living in this world, imagine that! One woman in the store said, "Maybe if people realized just how much of an impact they really have, maybe they would be nicer or neater or more considerate." Honestly, I really don't think they care. They don't have to clean up the mess, or deal with the aftermath, or obviously aren't running on a time schedule-dumbass car man and inconsiderate shopping cart lady. One man even told me as he witnessed two toddlers take down an entire table of panties, and the mom not do a thing, "People are so unhappy now. Economic times have everyone depressed." What the fuck. I'm about to lose my goddam house, some bitch stole my coat from the back, the computer fucked up my schedule and I have NO working hours next week, and I feel guilty spending $6 on my dinner, but I'm still civil, and considerate and nice, even when I'm cleaning up after your pain in the ass brats.

This job is very bad for me. I really hope one of the 56 jobs I've applied for since I've been down here, call me back.

Books, Books, Books

I mentioned in an earlier post that one of my favorite things was books. I really love reading, which wasn't always the case. When I was in grade school, you learned how to read in 1st grade, which has changed, because my mother-in-law says that they do algebra in 1st grade now. So I'm assuming kids learn how to read from the nurses in the delivery room nowadays. I struggled with dyslexia growing up. I HATED reading, all the sentences ran together, the letters were a huge blur. I remember during reading time I would just stare at my book until the teacher told us it was craft time.

My mom came to school one day and said that she was going to take me home instead of me riding the bus. I sat pitifully at my desk, feet dangling while my mom and teacher talked in the corner. We left, got in the car and went to the dollar store. My mom bought every phonics book and "Wow, You Can Read" book they had available. She worked with me every night, until I could read comfortably. My mom believed practice made perfect. Boy was she right, the more I read the more comfortable I became and the more I WANTED to read. The summer after 1st grade, I was reading at my reading level, and by 3rd grade I was reading at a 6th grade level. All because my mom worked with me outside of school EVERY DAY. Teachers can't do it all people, they have an entire classroom to balance, if your kid is struggling with something, you should take it upon yourself to work with them at home.

I still read things backwards or add letters to words occasionally, but it rarely happens anymore and more importantly it doesn't stop me from indulging in my favorite hobby. SO, here it is, Steph's list of most fantabulous books ever, and books I would like to read this year...

Mists of Avalon
This is my absolute favorite book of all time. I have always been a huge sci-fi fan, but I have my BFF in Indiana to thank for introducing the world of fantasy to me. On a car ride home from the mall she was telling me about this book. I couldn't wait to read it, and she was right, it's an amazing book. It's the story of King Arthur, but through the women's point of view. There's always another side of every story...

Pilgrim's Progress
This was actually my favorite book when I was a kid. I was raised in a very spiritual, religious home. This is the story of a man's journey towards freedom, per se. There's a lot of symbolism towards God. Although I'm no longer religious, I still really like this book for its moral value.

The story of the Wicked Witch of the West. No one ever wants to hear about the villains side of the story, well what if the villain wasn't really a villain at all? I'm a HUGE Wizard of Oz fan, like HUGE guys...HUGE, at the end of this book, I was rooting for the Wicked Witch. The author is amazing, and the musical is magical. You can actually read about my experiences with the author here,

The Giver
This book was part of my 8th grade reading list. Now of course, I'm sure it's on the 3rd grader reading list. I was homeschooled from 7th-11th grade, (another post, another time), and we were given a list of 20 books, we were to do book reports on 10of them for the year. The Giver was one I did not choose; however, I went back and read it when I was in college. This is a story about a village, everyone is chosen for a job, no one asks questions, no one gets to choose who they marry, when they marry, what they do, where they go. Everything is chosen for them. A young boy is given a certain job, and his eyes are opened to the real world. It's phenomenal. I recommend everyone should read this book.

The Devil Wears Prada
Everyone has probably seen this movie staring Anne Hathaway. The movie is actually pretty close to the book, and if you're anything like me, I can't read a book after I've seen the movie if the movie is an exact replica of the book. BUT if you haven't seen the movie, the book is one that should be on your reading list. Anyone who has ever had a difficult boss can relate!

The Twilight Saga
I know, I either love or hate me right now. Whatev. It's my blog I'll do what I want. I have been a Twilight fan since the first book came out. I patiently waited for each and every book in the series to show up at Barnes and Noble and follow Stephenie Meyer's blog religiously. I was one of the fans BEFORE Twilight got it's fame right around the release of the 2nd book. I introduced the series to each of my friends (your welcome by the way) and I am an avid member of team Jacob. 'Nough said.

The Harry Potter Series
When the Potter books first came out, I was still pretty religious (aka close-minded and judgemental), and was attending a private Christian school that had banned all Potter books due to their Wiccan teachings. Years later I got married and realized that Ryan was a Potter fan. One of the movies was released and Ryan said we should go see it. I gasped, dropped my fork in my plate and said, "What. Do you know what's in those books?" His response was, "Yeah, do you?" Oh. Well. No, not exactly. He gently helped me realize how ridiculous I was being for judging something I had no experience with whatsoever. I borrowed the first Potter book from our roommate at that time...thank you by the way. The next day I came in the house with a Barnes and Noble bag holding Potter books 1-5. I was hooked. Wiccan teachings...what the fuck? Reason number 127 why I'm no longer religious. Puh.

White Oleander
This book is about a young girl and her journey in and out of foster homes. The story is sad, and moving. I read it in one afternoon, I couldn't put it down, I had to find out what happened next to this poor girl, who only wanted to be loved. She ended up with something more precious at the end of the story. What could be more precious than love from another,'ll just have to read the book to find out.

Little Women
Probably every girl has read this classic, or seen the movie staring Winona Ryder. I cry every time I read it, I love this book.

Fahrenheit 451
I read this book as one of my 10 book reports in 8th grade. The story is set in a world where books are forbidden. Anyone found with a book is punished, the book, the house, sometimes the people are all burned. One of the book burners finds a stash of books in a home and instead of burning it, he keeps it.

Books I would like to read this year...

Dead and Gone-#9 in the Sookie Stackhouse series
I haven't seen the series Trueblood on HBO, but I really enjoy the book series. I'm afraid seeing the show will ruin the books for me!

Angel Time-the first book in the new series by Anne Rice
I haven't read all of Anne Rice's books, I've read a few in her vampire series, and I liked those. She has the witch series too that I'd like to read, but she has so many books I get overwhelmed!

The rest of the Outlander series
My mother-in-law bought me Outlander years ago, and I finally read it in 2009. I LOVED it! I was surprised how much I liked it, because there are definitely slow parts in the book, but it kept my interest even through the slower parts. There's seven books in the series, I'd like to read them this year!

My Horizontal Life and Are You There Vodka-Chelsea Handler's books
I'm completely in love with this woman! She and Kat Von D...anyways...she makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt, it's fantastic. I have wanted to read her books for awhile now, well this is the year baby!

What books are your favorites?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Things I Learned Today

My husband is amazing. He used his Best Buy gift card to get me a mouse that actually works, for my laptop. Not that I'm just now learning that he's amazing, but I like to brag every now and then.

Wedding dresses are just as expensive today as they were five years ago.

Cajun seasoning should be used sparingly...note to self, order pizza for dinner.

It rains A LOT in Louisiana.

In other news, I think the chick upstairs has finally placed her furniture where she wants it. I haven't heard any annoying screeching across the ceiling in several days; however, she has taken up the hobby of bass guitar. She knows Hot Cross Buns and a strange version of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Under The Bridge, quite well.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

These Are A Few Of My Favorite...People

This post was more difficult than I thought. After I listed the first five people, I really had to think hard about who else to list. How sad is it that you can list off the items you like easier than the people you like. Oh well...I work retail, and it's holiday/sale season. Cut me some slack.

In order of who makes me happiest...


My sisters...Jackie on the left, Lauren on the right. Yes, they're as crazy and silly as they look.

My friends...this little exercise has made me realize that, Lisa, I have no good pictures of the two of us, so the next time I see you it's picture time. I don't have a picture of all my friends together, so I choose the pic that has the most friends all together. This picture is of me and the girls-from left to right-me, Marina, Tiffany and Alison.

People who support our troops

Ryan Reynolds...*sigh* *drool*...Scarlett Johansson...PUH-lease...oh, what was I doing...

People who clean up after themselves...who are mostly women and gay men by the way.

Drivers AND PEDESTRIANS who are courteous of others on the road...which means no one in Louisiana, South Carolina, Virginia, New Jersey, New York, or that little town in Georgia that took me forever to get through because people would just cross the road without looking.

Designers who make cute heels for smaller footed people...BCBG how I love thee!


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Confessions Of An Underwear Sales Girl-"Wash 'Em"

I was fixing the mountains of panties on the pantie bar, when I saw a woman reaching WAY over to pull out a pantie in the middle of a pile...

"Can I help you with that? Those same ones are right next to you, so you don't have to reach all the way over."
Continuing to reach she responded, "Oh, no, that's ok, I want this one right here. I don't like taking the pantie on the top of the pile. It could be dirty."
In my head I'm thinking, WTF, that makes no sense?
Out loud I said, "Oh, in case it's a return?"
"You should really wash them when you get home anyways."
"Why, they're clean when they come from the store."
I laughed, "Well, obviously not, if you're concerned about returned undies. Also, even though we tell people that they can only try on the underwear over the underwear they already have on, who really knows if they do that in the fitting room."
She looked at me horrified.
"And, you'd probably be amazed at how much merchandise we find on the floor during our shifts. Who knows how many people have stepped on it before one of us finds it and picks it up."
Her horrified look increased from a semi-horrified to a full blown oh.em.gee. horrified, she responded with, "People are so rude, ya know, they just knock stuff down and don't even care."
Right at that exact second she picked up her purse from the table and knocked over a stack of hot pink satin panties onto the floor. "I don't know how you sales girls do this everyday", and she walked off to the fitting room.
I sighed and crouched down on the floor to pick up the hot pink satin she knocked down.

Seriously guys, people really have no idea how much merchandise has been stepped on, or already worn. I even found a kids crushed up cookie covering a few of our robes that had fallen on the floor. SO, the moral of the story is, no matter how badly you want to wear that new thong, skirt, shirt, whatever, wash it first.

Monday, January 4, 2010

A Blog Resolution

Yeah yeah, I know I said I wasn't doing resolutions this year, but I'm changing that...a little. This whole blogging thing is really very interesting. You offer up a piece of yourself-your thoughts, your feelings-to random strangers. You have no idea who these people are, if they will agree with you or not, if they think your horrible or not, or if people even read your blog; yet you continue to offer up a piece of yourself a few times a week. It's exciting to log in and see you have one new follower and it's not your mom, it's a total stranger! Every time I see a new follower I don't personally know, I think, "Oh my gosh, this person wants to read MY blog? Surely they think I'm someone else." Comments, emails, it's so nice to get feedback. I remember my first comment, it was from Marina, my BFF overseas. I can't remember if I emailed her and told her "to read my blog or else", or if it came up in conversation, but I remember getting the email saying that I had a comment. I said out loud, "A comment? I have a comment? I have a comment! Someone commented! Who commented? Marina commented!" It was nice just to know that I wasn't treading water out there all by myself, that I had a fan.

I'm pretty choosy about the blogs I follow. Between my weird work schedule and school I don't have a whole lot of time to sit down and read hours worth of blogs. Usually I read and that's that, I don't typically comment or email. I just take and leave. This year I would like to comment more, interact more and get to know the blogging community more. Who knows what great blogs I could be missing out on, or what great blogging friendships I could have, if I would only interact more.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Holy Sales Crowds Batman

This morning I woke up around 11am, looked at the clock and jumped out of bed. Ryan rolled over and asked what was wrong.
"It's 11am! I'm supposed to be at work right now!"
"Baby it's Sunday."
"Ok, that doesn't change the fact that I'm SOOOO late."
"Babe, you don't have to be to work until 12:45."

I eventually leave for work, get to my car and the brake pedal feels strange. What in the world, I look down and I'm still wearing my purple fuzzy bedroom slippers. My mind's turning to mush guys. It's becoming quite sad.

I get to work and as we all know (well, as all women know) it's the beginning of the new year and that means semi-annual sale time! A team of us were up till 3am a few nights ago setting up the store for this semi annual bullshit, aka, MORE destruction of the store. I'm walking through the mall seeing all the "Semi-Annual Sale-50% Off" signs in the store windows, gritting my teeth the entire way. I get to my store and it's literally a mass of people. I honestly wasn't sure how I was going to get INTO the store to clock in. I finally weaved my way into the back. On my way I saw three little girls tearing apart a pantie table, a woman with a double-wide stroller knock down a display of tank tops, another woman shove a bunch of hangers off the rack, complaining that they are too crammed and she can't see what she's looking at, and another woman dump an entire box of bras onto the floor just so she can see what's at the bottom of the box. It took us three hours to put the store back together AFTER we closed. IN...SANE. I remember looking up and thinking, "Dear lord, I think every person that lives in Baton Rouge is in this store." We couldn't even move, like wall to wall people.

I'm very ready for school to start again, and for people to go back to being broke.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

Just picture Julie Andrews twirling around, singing from the movie The Sound Of Music...or not, ya know, whatever...

In an attempt to focus on the positive (because I truly believe that 2010 will be MUCH better than 2009), I have put together a list of the things that make me happy. In no particular order...


Seeing the American flag wave in the wind


Indoor plumbing

Health insurance

Having a car that doesn't break down once a week



Scarves-I have baskets full!

Road trips

Friday, January 1, 2010

First Post Of 2010

After selling underwear for seven hours, I got home, ate and climbed onto the couch with my glass of champagne. The turn of another decade, where the hell did the last decade go? I retraced 2009 through my mind, the incredible friends I've made, the changes in my career, leaving the military, moving to a different time zone; 2009 was a very FULL year. Ryan came out of the office with his glass of champagne and sat down next to me on the couch.

"You know that we have been together for seven years, married for five, and this is only our second New Years we've spent together?"
I sat there with my glass in one hand, the television remote in the other. "No way." I went back to each year, and realized that he was right. Every year, right at New Years, he was either deployed or the ship's schedule had him floating out to sea, even if it was just for two days. I guess we lucked out with Christmas, we've had four Christmases together, in seven years.

I looked at my husband who took the remote from me and was flipping through the channels and realized, we won't have holidays apart anymore. When you're military and it's your spouses duty to deploy, you try not to complain but no matter how many friends or family members surround you, that hole in your heart is not filled during that special day. I don't have to experience that anymore. It's some other wife or husbands turn. I feel relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved because I'll spend each holiday with Ryan, we won't miss any! Sad because I know the pain that that new wife or husband will go through.

2010 is going to be a big year. My baby sister is graduating high school, another sister is getting married. Ryan's company is going to put more responsibility on him, no clue what my career will hold. God help me if I'm still an underwear sales girl on 12/31/10. We're able to celebrate things such as graduations and marriages because of the sacrifices the military makes. Until you ARE military or a military spouse, you can't possibly fathom the amount of sacrifice they give. So, thank you for giving up holidays, thank you for living in areas apart from your family, thank you for deploying and serving abroad, thank you for the sacrifices you made and continue to make.

My first post of 2010 is dedicated to our troops and their spouses.