Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Yet Again

Have you ever followed a blog that you LOVED, thought it was fantastic, awesome, amazing and incredible? You've followed that blog for months, YEARS even, then all the sudden the author falls off the face of the planet, never to be heard of again...or for at least a month or so. It's always the amazing writers that sporadically disappear and reappear. I, am not one of those writers. I promise I'm not dead, or dying, or abducted or anything like that, I'm just gonna take another blogging break. I thought I was ready to come back...I'm not. 'Nough said.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I Tend To Stand In My Own Way...

As most of you guys already know, I moved around a lot as a kid. About every five years, my dad would transfer somewhere or take another job, and we'd move. Before I was homeschooled, we would have to change schools. As a kid, I would have a lot of friends, but I would typically click really well with one person, that person was what you'd call a best friend, of course we'd always end up moving, so I have a best friend from my past for every city we lived in. Recently I've been in contact with two of those girls. Facebook is an amazing tool, when it's not annoying the crap out of me.

I came home from work one day and checked my email. I had a Facebook email from Jessie, my best friend in junior high. I couldn't believe it. After accepting her friend request and sending her the typical, "HOLY CRAP! HOW'D YOU FIND ME? I'M SO GLAD YOU DID!" message I read her profile. She still lives in upstate NY, has a masters degree and is a producer for a television station. She of course, asked the typical, "Where have you been? What have you been doing?" questions. I immediately felt completely embarrassed. Here I am 27 years old, STILL don't have my bachelor's degree, working in single-handedly THE most boring profession in the universe, and living in Louisiana. Oh God, the shame. For a split second I thought, "If I lied, would she find out?" I decided to tell the truth. I don't have the memory to keep up with lies. I'd forget what I told people and end up ratting myself out. It's just better if I avoid that.

Yesterday, Ryan told me that someone he went to grade school with, found him on Facebook. I said, "Oh wow, I don't even remember any ones name I went to grade school with...except Brittany." I logged onto Facebook and did a search, there she was...I thought. I sent the, "Are you who I think you are? If not, my bad" message. This morning I got a message back, it was Brittany my best friend in elementary school. She was premed, working on her masters degree, living in NYC when she realized she hated it and decided to go to culinary school...in Italy. "What have you been doing Steph? Where have you been? I've thought of you often!" Oh God, the shame. Welll...I'm an accountant who hasn't finished her BACHELOR'S yet, living in LOUISIANA, and wondering why the hell she has Facebook.

As we were catching up, I had an epiphany. I've been so ashamed of my life because it doesn't look like I've done much with it. I don't have my degree yet, the house I do have is being foreclosed on, I've never traveled overseas, I don't have kids, I have THE most boring job in the world (all accountants will agree with me), but who the hell cares. I've been so embarrassed that my life pale's in comparison to these other people's that I went to school with, I never looked at what I did have. I've been married to a military man for six years. Just being married six years is an accomplishment these days! I am honored to say that I was a military wife for five years. The divorce rate in the military is 75%, most women can't do it, but I could. I was never more proud of my life than when I told people I was a military wife. That's big (all military spouses will agree with me). I chose my profession because it was practical. I was marrying a military man, military moves a lot, I need a career that I can do anywhere. If I had finished my degree in theatre, I wouldn't have been able to do much with it anyway. We have a "little theater" down here that does strange versions of Rent every other month. A playwright isn't gonna go very far with that.

Yes, I have an incredibly boring job, yes I'm still working on my bachelor's degree, yes I live in the pit of southern hell. I also have two sisters who I know love me very much, I have the four best friends in the entire world who love me no matter what my profession is or where I live, and I have a marriage that's lasted through rocky hikes up hill in the pouring rain, and sailed through calm waters. So here's my epiphany, the only one embarrassed of me is me...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Remember When You Had A Six-Pack Without Working Out At All and Ate Everything You Wanted...

Does anyone else find it hard to keep up with a workout? To maintain the body I want I need to exercise six days a week, for about an hour and a half a day, and maintain a strict diet of what resembles cardboard and wood chips. Sounds super fun right? I know, seriously, how can I not want to do all that????

Like most people, right around the ripe old age of 25 my metabolism started to slow down, I had desk jobs that didn't have a lot of active time to them, Ryan and I ate like crap cuz we were young and could. We didn't really think about it. Yeah I know, I used to be a personal trainer; I knew eventually the glory days would end but you try to live them out as long as you can. Some try to live them out even though their WAY past the deadline...exhibit A...



You may remember last year right around this time I decided to try P90X. It worked, I lost 10% body fat and totally fit into my size 2 jeans again. It was glorious. Then...I had a cupcake and apparently as you get older the affects of fat and sugar triplify. In my sheer panic of gaining 5 billion pounds from cupcakes and cookies I started P90X again, worked like a charm. Then...I went to Olive Garden. You may start to see a pattern here, if I'm not eating GOBS of protein and exercising 2 hours a day, maintaining my 115 pound, size 2 frame is a total pain in the ass.

Here's my problem, I work 8 hours a day, 7am-4pm. I also have a husband and dog who start whining if I'm ignoring them, and I'm in school full time. In a nutshell, weekdays suck. I was doing the whole-home at 4:30, heaven forbid you take longer than 3.5 minutes to read the mail cuz now you're behind in your 2 hour workout, which sets dinner behind, then you'll never get all your school work done for tonight which sets you behind for the entire week-deal. I'm really getting sick and tired of rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off just to make sure I look decent. NOT TO MENTION, I WANT COOKIES DAMMIT. I digress.

Am I the only one who has a hard time fitting this into their day? I've thought about cramming my workout into the morning, but that means I'll have to get up at 3:30, I truly will die if I have to do that. I even tried breaking my workout into 2 parts, but I had less motivation to do the 2nd half of the workout when I got home from work, so that's no good. Right now I've cut the workout in half (1-hour a day) but I'm not seeing the results I want. I'm also taking my last core classes and they're INTENSE. School has taken double the amount of time it did before, so I'm still running around like a headless rooster...dead chicken...a dead, headless hen, whatever. I guess eventually you just deal with your body and call it a day? Or maybe you tell everything else in your life to take a hike and go back to your chin-ups? I miss the glory days...