Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Hardest First Day of A Lot of Hard Days

Today is the first day I start the "Hard Days" list. I haven't had any HARD days. I've had crappy days, I've had lousy days, I've had long days, I've had annoying days, I've had frustrating days, none of which were hard. At least not this hard. Today was the first day back to work, and the first day of daycare. You don't understand how difficult this is until you do it. You're dropping off the most precious thing in your life with someone you don't even know, and trusting that they will take care of that precious being until you pick them up eight hours later.

I cried. My insides ached. Once I got back to work and was busy I was ok, but not 20 minutes went by without thinking of Tyler. I went to see him on my lunch break, he smiled when I picked him up. I was in heaven sitting in the rocking chair with him in my lap. The ladies in the infant room said that he was fussy. Both of them tried calming him down but they said he kept pushing them away and looking around the room. Looking for his mommy. They were finally able to calm him down with the bouncy/vibrating seat. Poor baby. When I picked him up after work he smiled real big when we were leaving.

When I got him home, I laid down on the couch next to him and asked him how his day was. The next 15-20 minutes was full of laughs, giggles, cooing, and patting mommy's cheek. I cried again. I had a grand total of 4.5 hours with him today. I know with time he and I will both be fine. It's an adjustment just like when we first brought him home. Doesn't make it any less hard though. So, this is the first day of one of the hardest days of my life.

Monday, September 5, 2011


It's been awhile since I've done an "I'm Thankful For". I'd say I'm due for one.

I'm thankful for my son. My precious little angel has filled my heart with so much love and happiness I might explode into a cloud of rainbows and fairy dust. I know, totally makes you want to gag but that's the best way I could think of to describe it.

I'm thankful that I'm fertile and able to have children, regardless of how they are brought into this world, whether it be through the birth canal or they're surgically removed.

I'm thankful that I'm a super milk producing powerhouse and can pump out a full bottle of milk in 10 minutes. It's a bummer that Tyler fights with the latch issue, but I'm grateful that my milk supply is up. AND I'm thankful for breast pumps. Without those bad boys I'd be hurting, literally.

I'm thankful for my job. Yes, it makes me sad and I cry thinking that I'm going back to work on Wednesday and I'll be without my little buggaboo for 8 hours, but there are a lot of people out there without a job and I'm thankful I'm not in that position.