Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Working Mom Vs. The Stay At Home Mom

While standing in line at a store I overheard a conversation in which two women were debating the roles of working mom and stay at home mom. One said that the role of stay at home mom is much more demanding than the role of working mom. I see her point, at work you don’t have an infant crawling after you on your way to the bathroom. Nor do you have to supervise your co-workers so that they don’t chew on your cell phone or attempt swimming in the dog’s water bowl. Working mom’s can run errands and go to appointments while the little one is at daycare, whereas the stay at home mom is stuck taking little Billy to her gyno appointment. Yet, working moms have their own hurdles to overcome. All of my friends who are stay at home moms have time for themselves. They have hobbies, they have down time. Working moms don’t have this.

Stay at home moms have all day to take care of the kids and run the household. Working moms have about four hours a day to do the same thing. Yes, we have a little more freedom while our munchkin is at daycare, but really, we only get an hour lunch, so even our errands are limited. That “freedom” ends as soon as we clock back in from lunch because then we have needy co-workers, demanding bosses and deadlines. There’s a trade off. Working moms do get a break from children, but we deal with “adult children” the rest of the day. Stay at home moms deal with kids all day. I am in no way demeaning what stay at home moms do. I for one don’t think I could do it. My patience level would reach its peak around 2pm, and my kid’s an angel. I have no idea how daycare workers do it, but I’m so thankful that they do.

I’d be lying if I said that there weren’t times when I would hear my stay at home mom friends complain about not getting a nap that day, or complain about having to get up early and want to tell them they had no idea what tired was. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little jealous when I would hear them talk about their latest craft project, or how they felt when they saw their child's first steps. On the other side, I know that there are things about being a working mom that they envy as well. There is no perfect scenario. Even mom's that work from home have obstacles they have to tackle. We all have our balancing acts each day. I've learned that how you handle the balancing is what's really important.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

So There I Was Minding My Own Business and In Walks February...

Dude. What the hell. Why is it February already? I'm fairly certain that when you have kids your life automatically gets put on fast forward. Tyler's been a little needy lately. When I pick him up from daycare he wants Mommy. Not just near him but he wants Mommy RIGHT THERE, holding him, sitting next to him, ect. This is totally fine, except that I need to get crap ready for tomorrow, make dinner, wash bottles, make baby food, be the door monitor for the other needy being in my life-the dog, the list goes on. Ryan got home late last night and found me running around the house like a crazy person. When he asked me what I was doing I answered, "Making baby food, eating dinner, watching an episode of Lost, letting the dog in, letting the dog out, pulling documents for the CPA for our taxes, filing papers on my IRA, paying bills and washing dishes." I am a multi-tasking super woman. It then dawned on me that THIS is why I think the time goes by so fast. I do in one evening what a normal person does all week. I'm a working mom and this is my life. Ya know, I'm ok with that. Well, I wouldn't mind some more help around the house or a few extra hours in the day, but I would rather be busy than bored. I do much better having multiple things on my plate, multiple projects flung over my sewing machine, multiple duties to accomplish at work.

I remember back in my early to mid-twenties I wished I was one of those care free fly with the wind types. Ya know, they live for the moment and don't plan anything, they have the coolest stories, and work at the coolest places. I was never this person. I panicked when I accidentally left my planner home, and THAT was in high school. I've had a retirement account since I was 21, and a will with funeral instructions since I was 25. I organize my grocery list according to the isles of the grocery store I go to and then by alphabet. My coupons are also organized the same way. I can only use large silver paperclips. The edges of my tape are folded in so the edge doesn't stick to the roll, and my workspace at home and at work MUST be organized in a certain and similar fashion. I'm high strung and OCD. I've tried living a "free-er" lifestyle but I'm just not programmed that way. I like to go and do. I can't just sit around and relax. I need to do, I need to go.

I've learned that I am what I am. Some things should be adjusted, everyone has something to work on, but I've learned to accept me for me. And I'm going to accept me for me again. I'm a working mom. Time is always against me. I put my son first and when he goes to bed I run around the house like a bat out of hell prepping for tomorrow and cleaning up from today. I've been reading the same book for about a year, and I've had the same sewing project on my machine for the past month. Every night my husband finds me asleep with all the lights on in the bedroom, Nook in hand a fresh unplayed game of solitaire on the screen. I wake up to a precious angel calling out, "Mama! Mama!" Even with my lack of time, I wouldn't change much. Maybe a vacation to Hawaii every now and then...

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Are You A Sarah?

By now I'm sure you all have heard or read about this girl, . Dude breaks into her home and she blows him away with the shot gun. It's about goddam time. We have laws that allow us to protect ourselves and headline after headline reads "woman stabbed and raped", "man mugged and shot", "woman kidnapped, found dead in creek". YOU are not immune, this could happen to YOU. It happened to her, why not you? My parents live in one of the oldest/nicest country club's and they've had break-ins. Do you have to arm yourself with a 12-gauge shot gun? No, but you should do something. Don't just think it won't ever happen to you and then if something does, not know what to do.

The more people stand up and start defending themselves, such as this chick in this article, the less crime we'll have. My dad is a cop, I've heard some of the most grotesque horror stories that he has witnessed and about half of them could have been avoided if the woman had shot the dude. One I will always remember. A woman was running along a public running trail with her dog. Dude approaches her, acts interested in her dog, grabs her, hauls her off into the woods next to the trail, rapes and beats her. That guy got off on a technicality. He's roaming the streets. He's at the store getting groceries just like you and me. He's pumping gas just like you and me. He's getting a cup of coffee just like you and me. If the girl had a gun and used it she wouldn't have been raped or beaten.

I'm not a lawyer, but if someone comes at you and you have reason to believe that he/she will physically harm you or someone around you you have every right to use deadly force to protect yourself and others. I'm not talking about if someone gets in your face and threatens you, that's not reasonable cause to use deadly force, I'm talking about if someone grabs you or you see they have a weapon and it's you or them, that's reasonable cause. If they're on your property, HA well, soon as they enter the house it's a done deal.

I have a gun, I practice at the range on a regular basis. I have a concealed carry permit and I use it. I'm licensed in 47 states to carry my firearm, concealed, anywhere I go. If I'm jogging with Tyler in his stroller and someone tries something they're gonna get shot. I'm at Walmart putting my son and the groceries in the car and someone tries something, they're gonna get shot. You come into my home without an invitation you're gonna get shot. Basically, don't fuck with me. I have zero tolerance for that nonsense, I know the law, I know my rights, I have a gun on me and I'll use it, so move on.

None of this warning shot bull crap either. 1) If you're coming at me, there's no way I would know if a warning shot will stop you. 2) I don't want you getting off because some douche-bag lawyer found some loop hole and you come after me again. 3) If you're trying to hurt me, I think it's pretty clear you're a dirt bag and I'm taking you out. 4) Taking you out means there's one less shit bag on the streets. As they said in my concealed carry class, "No warning shots, take the bastard out."

If you're anti-gun, that's ok. You have a right to believe anything you want but arm yourself somehow. Carry pepper spray, or a baton, or a tazer. All of those are legal in most states and will at least give you time to get away. I would say to take a self defense class, but I'm gonna be honest here, unless you're a trained fighter a dude can take a woman. If a man tried to overpower me, I would stand no chance. If you're a dude, I don't care how badass you are, enough hits can take you down. My dad is a big guy, he's taken on two men before and came out unscathed, three however, even he says he's not sure he could take on three. Most robberies are done in pairs, not by just one single person.

Crime happens because the bad guys think they'll get away with it. No one's gonna break into your home to steal your jewelry if they know they'll be killed in the process. No one is going to try to rape you if they know you're armed. There's exceptions to everything of course, and gang members for one don't care how armed you are. If you have what they want they're going to try to get it. In that case, carry extra loaded magazines and learn how to swap them out quickly. No one's gonna look out for you but you and it only takes one time to completely destroy your life. One raping, that's all it takes to destroy your life. One time being beaten, one time being mugged and you'll be scared, scarred and broken for a long time. My dad's a cop, I hear about it all the time. You don't go back to the life you knew, you're forever changed, and you're forever changed because of some shit-bag. Enough is enough. No more dicking around. It's nice to see one of our own taking matters into her own hands.